Jae Jun--
I've been back in America just over two months--and yet I find I'm constantly thinking about my time in Korea, and specifically my time at Peacetown with Jae Jun. Truly, if I ever wondered what being a father felt like, this is how I'd describe it.On the phone, we didn't share more than about 6 words between us; I said some Korean words and he said some English words; but that's all we could do. But just the chance to hear his voice and say HI to him was amazing. Dae Won said that he is always talking about me and wondering how I'm doing. That concept is amazing to me. The fact is--I visited Peacetown 9 times in 12 months. I hung out with Jae Jun only about the last 4 or 5 visits...for 2 hours each time. That's it. But I was still able to make an impact.
I'm not kidding myself and thinking that I've forever changed the course of this kid's life. I know that my influence and memory will eventually disappear, just as my vision of the past will haze. But it's remarkable to me that this kid could have such an impact on my life, and that I could have a sustainable impact on his.
Even though I've been back in California for over 2 months, somehow it feels like I was here the whole time.
Before I left Korea, thinking of California or America was like thinking of a dream I'd once had. However, now that I'm back home, it's Korea that feels like a dream.
Did I just spend a year in South Korea? Could that possibly have happened--or did I imagine the whole thing? It's nearly impossible to process.
It's hard to believe that it all happened.
My final few weeks in Korea were filled with all kinds of wonderful and crazy things. A final trip to On the Border, a stand-up comedy night, my last performances of "The Squirrels", my last game show, and my final visit to Peacetown; the children's home that played such a big part in my time in Korea.
On The Border finale (Candy told the waiter it was my birthday, she's a dirty liar)--
Dustin seeing "The Squirrels" for the first time--on my last day--
Sarah and me after the First Annual EV Stand-Up Comedy Show--
Herman, Nikki, and me after the aforementioned comedy show--
Jae Jun and me on my last visit to see him--
My last day in Korea, I was invited to have lunch at Daniel's house; which was a true honor. Daniel is a 6 year old Korean child I met while working at English Village. His mother would bring him to the park about once a week. He saw many of the shows I was in, as well as the activities I hosted.
After a performance of "The Squirrels" (I'm Spiderman and he's Superman--he likes to do this stuff; and who am I kidding, so do I)--
His English was amazing, as was his mother's. I remember the first time I saw him. I was hosting a game show, and he was on my team. It was the other team's turn, and so I was trying to keep my team from shouting out the answers (they often did this). Daniel was sitting close to the front, and he seemed like he knew the answer--but had put his finger to his mouth making the international 'Shh' sign, which I was also doing to keep my team quiet. I went over to him and pointed to my ear--basically saying, 'Whisper the answer in my ear'--and he did. He knew the answer. I saw him many more times after that. I miss him. He always had a smile on his face, and was always happy to see me. And I was always happy to see him. After all, it's what I was in Korea to do--make kids smile.
Riding back to EV in the car (I'm wearing his beanie, and he's wearing mine, because he said, "You like blue and I like brown"--because I had previously told him my favorite color was blue, and he said his favorite was brown)--
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to post another blog. To anyone who has been willing to listen, I've attempted to share my basic observations about life in Korea, and about my return to America. It hasn't been an easy transition. It hasn't been a hard transition, either; but it's been a very new experience; one I wasn't quite ready for.
I describe my brain as 'mush'. So much has happened in so short a time--my brain is trying to catch up.
Driving a car wasn't as 'weird' as I thought it would be. I hadn't been behind the wheel of a motor vehicle for exactly 365 days, and though I knew I'd relax back into it, I definitely thought LA traffic would be more scary than it was.
I definitely have trouble paying attention. I'm typically a list-maker, but haven't done much of that since coming back, because the list itself would require a list. There was so much to be done.
When I arrived at the airport, after spending nearly 15 hours in the sky (from Korea to Vancouver, from Vancouver to Los Angeles), I couldn't believe I was really home. I saw the Hollywood sign from the sky as we descended toward the airport, and I couldn't fight the tears that came. I'm neither a child nor an emotional wreck, but coming home to America was among the most tear-jerking experiences I've ever had. I haven't cried like that since watching The Passion of the Christ.
The plane that will take me from Vancouver to LA--
The Hollywood sign in the distance! (if you enlarge the picture, you'll noticed I colored it in to make it stand out more)--
This was actually in Vancouver, but it was my first vision of an American flag--and it was quite something--
Suffice it to say, it was great to be home. I kissed the ground.
Patrice picked me up from the airport, and yes, as soon as I got my bags, we went directly to In-N-Out. I ordered all by myself--the excitement could barely be contained. I made sure to keep my hands at my sides, as to not scare the person behind the counter with either my ridiculous joy or my unnecessary gestures. I said, 'I'd like to have a #2 with lettuce, ketchup, and mustard only please.' It was so easy. 'And a medium t-shirt.' I love the t-shirts from In-N-Out. Patrice had sent me an In-N-Out gift card while I was in Korea, and I immediately taped it to my dressing room mirror so I'd have something wonderful to look forward to.
I must say--sitting down and eating an In-N-Out hamburger and drinking a full-sized cup of Dr. Pepper (with free refills, where the cup has John 3:16 on the bottom) that you got from the fountain is among the most simple and wonderful joys I've yet to experience in life. It was well worth waiting a year. A greater truth has ne'er been spoken: absence makes the heart grow fonder.
The next day I picked up my rental car. I rented it for 3 weeks. This would assist me in visiting friends and also searching for a car of my own. I got a bright red Chevy HHR. I grew to like it.
That night, I had a steak dinner with some good friends. It was the first sit-down restaurant I visited since being back in America. It was quite an experience. From this point on in my life, I will encourage people to say 'YES' to life (and I'm not just saying that because I've seen Jim Carrey's movie, 'YES MAN' three times since it opened in December).
But--I promise you, if you spend a year in a country where you are completely incapable of speaking to a waiter/waitress--coming back and talking to a server will be quite startling. It was for me. The waiter spoke perfect English. Yet I was remarkably confused by what he was saying. Though I swear I knew the words he was saying to me--'chives, cheese, bacon, cheese butter or honey'--I was completely lost. The other people at the table responded back immediately--and I was just frozen. He had to repeat the items to me. So simple. What did I want on my potato? Perhaps it was because he said them too fast, or because my mind couldn't process all the English at once--but I didn't know what to say. I literally had to get Patrice to assist me in making a decision. It's been like that for the past two months--I have trouble making decisions (which isn't normal for me). Luckily, however, it is getting better.
The next day I moved into the house where I currently dwell. From Korea, I mailed around 8 boxes to Patrice's house--rather than pay to take them with me on the plane. I packed up the HHR with all these boxes and stacked them in my good sized room.
I spent several days in San Diego for Thanksgiving. During that time, I rented a cargo van to move all my stuff from San Diego (where my aunt and uncle very KINDLY stored it) back to Orange County. Even though the room is good sized--it was not prepared to hold an apartment's worth of stuff. I'll definitely be downsizing in the next few months. Korea has definitely taught me what I can and should live with and without. I truly look forward to minimizing my possessions.
The sunset at La Jolla, San Diego, on Thanksgiving Day--
I also made 2 trips to Phoenix in 2 weeks. First, I went for a quick trip to see my friend Steve graduate from the police academy (and also got an awesome chance to briefly see my college friend Michael and his new child). I returned the next week to sing in the Christmas contata with the choir at my former church. Both were great trips, but I drove both ways both times all by myself. That's about 20 hours driving by myself. Thankfully, I had access to my CD's--which I hadn't had for a year. I sang until I was blue. And I was quite blue.
Steve putting me in some sort of arm-bar type hold--
Since arriving back in America, I spent a lot of time continuing to search for a car--and I only found 'the one' last month; Thursday, December 11. A silver 2001 Ford Taurus.
Some other picture highlights of my return to America:
The cereal aisle at VONS (a panoramic view, because a normal shot just wouldn't do it justice)--
Oh joy!!--
My favorite bargain/closeout store--
Hadn't had that in a very long time--
Probably my favorite store of all--
Delicious--
Korea has changed me. At this point, I can't really describe all the ways it has--but I know it has. Perhaps it's not even noticeable to the outside observer, but I know I've changed.
It's been very interesting to watch people's reactions to me after my return. I knew that very few people would understand what I'd just been through, and I assumed they wouldn't know how to respond to what I might go through--but that's also been a very isolating experience since returning. It's no one's 'fault'--it's just a result of the experience I've had.
Though I'm mostly over it now, I've spent much of my time thinking about returning to Korea. Not like I looked up flights back or anything like that. But truthfully, it's like "The Shawshank Redemption". I feel like the old guy, Brooks, who gets to leave the prison after spending so many years there. Even though he was now free--he simply could not get used to the freedom, and the difference between the real world and prison. Regardless of how he was treated in prison, and regardless of the fact that it was actually a prison; after he got out, he felt himself longing to return.
I feel the same way. I attribute that feeling to the desire for structure, and for the comfort of routine. All the new things I've had to do, though they're good things, have created a certain amount of 'stress'. Reverse culture shock, repatriation, returning to a previously held life, the holidays, visiting with friends you haven't communicated with in a year, moving into a new place, finding a car, and trying to prepare to return to work are all things that can be stressful. The icing on that stress cake is the ridiculous jet-lag, or mind haze that you experience when coming back after so long.
Here's my observation: to have been so changed by an experience such as I've just had and to come home to a place with people who remain so unchanged is very strange.
It's been quite an adjustment. And to go through it alone is very strange. I miss the simplicity of life in Korea--and I miss my experience there. I am, however, very happy to be back in America. I feel honored to have spent a year abroad.
